Empty

I feel empty, like something is lacking in me ever since I stopped my QT, stopped going to church and cell group. Even when asked to go to cell retreat for half a day at a chalet in Changi, I don't feel motivated at all to attend. I honestly signed up for post encounter because I don't want to lack behind and I wanted company. I feel like i'm such a bad human being. I feel like i've been keeping everything bottled up ever since my mum made that decision of not allowing me to go for church and cell group. Nothing is working. I pushed God aside, I just did things my own way. I don't know what to do... Like i'm alone in this journey. I'm afraid i'll break down when my sister leaves for Japan for 38 days, and all i'm left with is myself when I get home and I usually get irrational thoughts when i'm alone. I overthink to the point that i'll cry a lot, and nobody really knows.

Nothing is going right.