Don't give up

Disclaimer: long and emotional rant. It may bore you.

I'm in no absolute mood right now.

So these are my thoughts. And I'm quite certain that when I read this a year later, I'll be laughing at myself. At how silly I am to be so upset about this "trivial" matter.

I really think that this is the most horrible day of my life. No kidding this time. :-(

I screwed up my physics SPA O Levels exam.

It's worth 7% of my physics grade at least. I'm not sure. It may seem a small weightage to you but its definitely not.

It's not only this that I'm really depressed over. It lowered my self esteem. It's my first national exam and its totally messed up. No it's not leaving a question blank. My entire graph was drawn wrongly! And up till now I still have no clue what went wrong with my experiment. I drew the axes correctly but my points seemed weird.

I know it's over and nothing can be done to change my grade but I feel so horrible. Because after it ended and I got back to class, I realised it, and I started tearing up. Even mr siah saw me. And I didn't feel embarrassed with tears in my eyes because that's how bad I felt. That it didn't even matter.

It made me doubt myself. Whether I can really do well for O Levels. And if it was my last paper that I had to sit for, I'd be only a little depressed. But apparently it's not. Maybe it can serve as a warning. As a lesson learnt. That I should work extra hard. But then deep down I still feel so miserable.

Dear Lord Jesus,

I believe that you always answer my prayers because when I ask for help, you will be there to help me. It's just a matter of time. But can you help me once more? I seem so greedy. To keep asking you for help. But I really need your strength. Especially this year.

I'd also like to thank you for the supportive friends that told me its fine. That helped me feel a little better.

Amen.


I should just get over it and move on right? After all you need to pick yourself up when you fall. Because that's how you learn.

And I can still remember this Christian song. "When I fall down you pick me up, when I am dry you fill my cup. You are my all in all. Jesus, lamb of God. Worthy is your name. Jesus, lamb of God. Worthy is your name. Seeking you as a precious jewel. Lord to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all."

That was pretty long. But sheryl don't give up! And yes maybe I should watch some motivational videos. And I read this quote from somewhere, "ask yourself will this matter one year from now?"

It may. But I believe that I shouldn't dwell on it.


Sheryl