To fill you in, I was extremely nervous and anxious when I was studying for my papers last sem. I had 4 papers in total. I honestly did prepare all the notes on time, and had close to sufficient time to study. I screwed up my second paper actually because I was muddle-headed and forgot to cancel this one paragraph of answer I had written for an essay question, and wrote 2 pages long of answers for the next 2 questions. I was super upset after remembering that I had forgotten to cancel I cried because I was so worried that the marker would just take the first 2 answers (according to exam protocol) I had written and not mark the last one, and that section was worth 60% of the exam marks. I knew that I screwed up the first section too cos I didn't study finish and basically wrote whatever I could think of. So I emailed my course coordinator with my sister's help, in hopes that he would be kind enough to mark the answers that I had intended to submit. He told me that he would consider the issue when marking my paper, so it wasn't a definite yes but at least it wasn't a no. So I guess that was a huge blow for me. I got a credit for that module, which wasn't too bad. I was honestly expecting to fail or to just pass, and I wasn't even sure if the marker had actually marked those answers... But I thank God for His provision despite my GPA dropping :-(
As many flats in the BTO i'm currently living in had renovation going on, it was so noisy with all the drilling and hacking I couldn't concentrate at all. So I had to resort to go back to my old house everyday with literally nothing in the house, not even a fridge or bed to take a nap, only a table, a chair and a fan lol. It was... quiet but I think when you don't have anyone to talk to and you're just so focused on your work for a prolonged period of time, you'll get burned out? At least for me I did. Anxiety got the better of me, and I was just overthinking on an issue and wah it was terrible..... It was the day before my 3rd paper, Contemporary Management, I felt like I couldn't control my thoughts, and had physical symptoms of anxiety. My heart began palpitating uncomfortably faster and I had this cold sensation on my chest that nothing could get rid of. It felt like a cold minty feeling, like you know when you apply yoko yoko on your back when it's aching? Yup, that except it was an involuntary feeling!!! I also felt my chest tightened. I was so scared and worried I was gonna fail my CM paper because I couldn't focus that I called Wei Ling. She was at Encounter with Hui Yin and was so nice to offer to come down to my place to accompany me but how could I accept that offer right? So I didn't, though part of me really needed someone to tell me it was going to be okay. She asked me to do some breathing exercises and prayed for me. She even called me during midnight to worship together. :'-)
Wah that day was just crazy... I felt like I had no control over how my body was reacting to the stress. I even thought of seeing the doctor and taking MC so I could skip the paper the next day. That's how bad it was. Thank God for my sister too because she kept praying for me and helped me feel slightly more relaxed.. But yea it was torturous to tell you the truth :-( and I really never want to experience that amount of panic, anxiety, stress and lack of control again.
Oh the next day my heart was still palpitating uncomfortably, but the cold sensation was gone, thankfully. Amanda from SIM called me to pray for me and it was just unexpected, but I really appreciated her prayer so much. Thank God for Wei Ling, my cell, my sister's cell, the SIM cell and my sis for all of their concern and prayers. :-) It helped me regain control of my thoughts but not my body lol. It taught me to surrender to God during that whole process despite having no control at all. I stepped into the exam hall still pretty much nervous, and the heart palpitation didn't even end after my exam was over. Think it only went away like 1-2 days later. I managed to get 75 for that module, which was a distinction!!! Which meant I got 35/50 for that paper, so all glory goes to God! :-)
Sometimes (occasionally) when I feel anxious feel like my heart does skip a beat? I don't know if it's anything I should worry about. Ok, enough for my lengthy post on my exam anxiety haha but thank God I only have 2 exams this sem. I pray that it'd all go fine and that these symptoms will never return again. Goodnight!!! Back to hustling for HR!!
No comments:
Post a Comment