My dream occupation

I've been updating really frequently, maybe too often. That's the result of not having any social media to keep me entertained when I avoid doing work. So yesterday I was not spending my time wisely and I was caught up with trying to record a proper cover of Don't Mind by Kent Jones and Officially Missing You by Tamia (Jayesslee's classic hit!!!) that I made insignificant progress on my assignment which is due tomorrow at 7pm!!!! Technically it's today because it's already 12:43AM yet what surprises me most is that I don't feel stressed that I'm not even halfway done with it. Can I just ask what kinda sorcery is this? Because in very usual circumstances, I would be freaking out and be super stressed and anxious. I think i've been putting a lot of pressure on myself in university sometimes that I forget to take a breather. Esp when assignment datelines are looming or during exam periods. I dread studying for exams man. I get all panicky particularly on the day that i'm taking the paper that my stomach actually gets twisted, and my heart beats really fast......... Is that normal? Like exam anxiety?

So yep, I think I should continue hustling...... I feel slightly tired already and i've already drank 2 cups of iced coffee today. Not good, Sheryl..... Too much sugar....

Actually the assignment that i've been working on is about my dream occupation and how automation, globalisation, technology etc will impact the nature of work and future job prospects. It really made me think is HR really what I want to do after graduation? Or maybe for my entire lifetime? The answer was a clear no..... It really made me reflect on what i'm passionate about and as I read more on counselling in journal articles and a textbook, I realised that I think it's something that i'll enjoy doing. I mean i've already discovered my interest in counselling early this year after poly but I put it off because of my parents as i've mentioned. Now that i'm seriously considering it, I feel unhappy. Esp after watching Phil and Wes' commencement speeches in their universities that they have attended. I feel like I shouldn't be wasting my time doing something that i'll semi-enjoy and live passively. They reminded me that it's okay not to be sure what you're doing. How could you really be certain right?

"If you are unhappy in your heart, nothing else matters." 
"Explore with vigour and zeal and I assure you that when you reach the end of your 20s, your life will be better because you did so."

I'm just gonna leave my post here. :-) Honestly life keeps taking a turn when I thought i'm heading in the seemingly right direction.. But I guess nothing worth doing is ever easy.

Quitting social media?

I've got to admit that i'm pretty much addicted to the use of social media, particularly Instagram, Youtube and Facebook. I'll incessantly use it so much so that it's excessive and unhealthy. Lately, i've been asking myself what's the use of mindlessly going through people's Instagram stories and posts? I frequently have this anticipation whenever I publish an IG story/post like who has seen and liked them? It's quite toxic I must say, or that I allow myself to fall into this trap of a virtual black hole - spending an inconsiderable amount of time daily consuming irrelevant information and trivial crap. I get so distracted easily while doing my work, my attention span is practically close to none. I lose my concentration and it really disrupts productivity. I also tend to unconsciously compare myself to others despite knowing that those tiny pixels just reflect highly curated versions of our friends' and acquittances' lives. Surely, we only portray an ideal and unrealistic image of who we want ourselves to be seen as right? It's not authentic, it isn't a true representation of who we are. Yet, I can't help but compare my daily hustle with their highlight reels.

I thought enough is enough. I've control of my own life and if social media detox is what I need, then yes, i'll do it. So i've deactivated my Instagram account and erased the Instagram and Facebook apps off my phone today, in hopes that i'll not be so fixated on social media and the lives of others, but to focus on my own. Maybe when I stop looking down and start looking up, i'll no longer miss out on what truly matters to me - the real relationships and connections that I have. Also, to truly get the full experience instead of being overly concerned about having it documented down e.g. on instagram. Honestly, no one really cares about what you post online. 

I remember going to Taylor Swift's 1989 concert and almost the whole concert I was putting my arms out trying to record a good video of her songs and acts...... To the point that I wasn't truly living out the experience. Why pay over $300 for a cat A seat just to record videos when you could just listen to it on Youtube - which has a much better audio quality.

So yes, i'm on a temporary break from Instagram and Facebook until I feel like i'm ready to be back. It's going to be difficult like woah today I didn't realise how much I used to check my social media apps during my commute to and from school until I had them deleted off. It's not easy but I think it's going to be worth it and i'm even going to enjoy the process. 

Overseas exchange

Hello, thought i'd pop by and give an update. Somehow blogging is so much easier than writing a diary entry. Maybe i'm just too lazy. My school has an inter-location programme for students in the last semester, whereby they can go to RMIT in Melbourne, Australia for exchange. I'm interested in it just that i've quite a few concerns. Haven't found friends who can go or want to go and I think that having someone you know is important for security reasons and you know to keep yourself accompanied as well. You know me my sense of direction isn't the best and i've quite a strong need for affiliation haha. Am also worried about the (accommodation) cost. Don't know where or how to look for accommodation that's of reasonable price. My parents are currently paying for the renovation costs and this overseas exchange would be a financial burden to them if I were to go though ultimately i'd be the one paying for this entire exchange.

Other than these 2 concerns, i'd be so happy if I could go - reasons being i've always wanted to go overseas for a significant period of time to study (or just to live there) to gain exposure, to have an eye-opening experience to what living independently feels like, to immerse myself in other countries' cultures, languages, food, to make new friends, to explore!! Sounds so exciting.... But i'd probably get homesick and i've to learn how to cook because Australian food and standard of living are expensive unfortunately.

I feel like I should take this opportunity because really.. chances like this only happen once in a lifetime and if I don't take it now... when will I be able to do this again? Haven't exactly prayed about it yet, but will do so. :-)

On a side note, if I really can't go, i'd probably use my savings (sobs) to travel with 1. Chao Lei 2. Si Rui (we haven't discussed if we are actually going anywhere this year actually heh) and 3. my family (though I won't be paying for this trip haha oops) after finishing school after October. The only break i'll enjoy before finding a job and settling for good. Oh God i'm really adulting......... Oh well, the only thing which comforts me about getting a full-time job is the salary - so that I can finally be financially independent and won't have to rely on my parents for allowance! And of course i'd be giving some allowance (in return) to them to bless them, and I can be more generous with gift-giving and I can buy my own food and everything..... Can't believe i'm actually saying this haha. Really praying that God will provide me with a job that has a good environment, kind colleagues and supervisors, as well as a job scope that I like. Man that's the perfect job but perfect jobs don't exist. So much going on this year. I hope everything works out.